As I am on a missions trip in Kenya right now, I was directed to conduct my interview with someone on the missions team. I was able to steal a little bit of time with the President and Founder of Sew Love Foundation Inc., Lori Peters late one evening when the tasks of the day had been completed. Due to the fact that there are 5 ladies staying together in a room and Lori is a friend outside of our roles with Sew Love, the interview ended up being less formal than it would have been with a fellow student, or a colleague from work, but still a valuable learning experience.
Q: What skill behaviours to see as contributing to your success?
A: First and foremost is a passion for the “why” – why are we doing this. Second would be a faith in God, that he will guide and provide, and trusting in what he shows me and leads me, and being led by the Holy Spirit. Next would be dedication, which is different from passion. When things get hard, you can’t not keep going, you “can’t not” get the job done and let things slide because the “why” holds us, and the “who’s” hold us. Lastly would be learning to ask for help, and releasing people to help without getting in the way and not hyper-focus and not be controlling.
(At this point there was a break in the interview and there was a significant amount of coaching that took place but I was not the primary facilitator of that coaching. One of the other members of the team staying in our room actually made the comment that Lori does not “do this well” – does not ask for help when needed. Lori gave a number of reasons why it is difficult, but was also able, with prompting from both team members to give responses as to why these barriers cannot hold her back from continuing to ask for help. She has been offered assistance in the past, and then had people not follow through, or assist in a way that was not helpful – she recognized that she needs to communicate and set expectations for follow through and what it is that she needs for assistance. Another barrier she identified was that she has difficulty asking for assistance when she feels she isn’t organized and doesn’t have the entire plan set out, and she was able to self-identify that she doesn’t always need to have all the details in place and that she can release some of the planning and delegation to others.)
Q: When are you at your best? When do you perform well?
A: Honestly, when there are crises. In pressurized situations I can rise to the occasion when others would crumble. I see this as a gift from God.
Q: Where do you want to be 5 years from now? Describe your idealized future as if it is happening.
A: I want to be more present with my family – my family back in Canada and my Sew Love family here in Kenya. Not so wrapped up in the tasks and the details, but present with the people and in relationship with them. And I want to be in a place where I am taking better care of myself.
Q: How do you get there? What ideas do you have for realizing this?
A: Ask for help. Don’t get caught up in the details that don’t matter. That is very difficult for me due to the way that my mind works, but it is absolutely necessary.
For the last 2 questions I recognize that as a leader there were opportunities to facilitate a more in-depth conversation and ask for greater specifics. However, as I stated earlier the interview ended up being less formal than I had anticipated, and at one point Lori became quite emotional as she recalled that her first trip to Kenya was with a young woman from our church that we lost to cancer late last year. My leadership decision at this point was to not pursue the line of questioning further and leave the coaching for another opportunity.
What a wonderful description of your conversation with this leader! I’m most struck by the value of your inquiry — not only for you, but also for the leader you interviewed and your colleagues/friends.
There’s a principle in “Appreciative Inquiry” called the “Simultaneity Principle” that argues that “the moment we ask a question, we begin to create a change” (Ai Commons, n.d.).
I’m also struck by the ongoing need we have as leaders to surround ourselves by honest, supportive people who are able to support us personally — and remind us that it is necessary for us to take care of ourselves and allow others to share our load.
Kathy Caprino, a career coach, puts it this way in her Forbes article on, what she calls, “perfectionist, overfunctioning”: “It’s a true epidemic in our society – the desperate drive to get an A+ in everything we do, no matter how important it is in our lives” (2015).
Caprino (2015), argues that “we have the personal power to change this dynamic. It boils down to prioritizing with courage and conviction what matters most to you, then building the sufficient boundaries to shift your focus away from what matters less. Shed the need to do it all perfectly, and embrace help from all those who will give it. And learn to trust that you aren’t meant to handle everything yourself, and live two or more lives within your one.”
So what do you think? Do you see this trend play out in your own life as a leader?
— Leadership Prof
Source:
Ai Commons. (n.d.) 5 classic principles of AI. Retrieved from: https://appreciativeinquiry.champlain.edu/learn/appreciative-inquiry-introduction/5-classic-principles-ai/
Caprino, K. (2015). 7 signs of perfectionistic overfunctioning – How to recognize it in yourself and change it. Forbes. Retrieved from https://www.forbes.com/sites/kathycaprino/2015/10/29/7-signs-of-perfectionistic-overfunctioning-how-to-recognize-it-in-yourself-and-change-it/#25e837157156
What a powerful question. Yes – the trend of “perfectionist overfunctioning” definitely plays out in my own life. So much so that the discovery of this comment, and the date that it was written caused immediate angst and guilt. Even though I chose to prioritize my activities when immersed in my responsibilities overseas, and had accepted that my limited access to WiFi would limit my ability to participate fully in the course, I was still immediately ashamed of my delayed response to the comments on my posts – my “less-than-A+” performance. I have spent enough years on this planet to know that chasing perfection is an exercise in futility, but fascinated by the concepts in the quote from the Caprino article. Thank you for the sharpening. (I will be sharing this with my friend as well.)
I commend you for going on a missions trip to Kenya! Sounds fantastic, and I would like to hear more. Your interview reminded me of how fragile people are – strong on the outside and have struggles even when very successful. Also, when people are given some focused time, caring and probing questions, it is interesting what we can not only learn about a person, their vulnerabilities, but also how we can walk alongside and support them as individuals.