I appreciate the personal example that you gave in linking this back to how you want to improve as a leader. I agree with you – watching someone go through challenges, particularly a loved one, reminds me to be grateful and to count my blessings. I also find that when I watch someone go through health challenges with courage and peace and joy I am truly inspired. There are many that just cannot find the strength to endure and become angry, bitter, resentful. In contrast, those who can remain true to themselves in spite of health challenges and retain their hope and courage I think are truly inspiring.
I took pause for a moment at your comment that you would try to be the person that you would appreciate. The only reason is because I have three daughters, all very different personalities, who would not appreciate what I would appreciate. I have had to learn a different “language” in communicating my love and my support to them, one that does not feel natural to me. However, learning to adapt to a love language that they understand has definitely strengthened my relationship with them. I find that being flexible and open to learning what other people need from me, even though I might think differently, has also made me a better leader.
Many thanks for your thoughtful comments. I agree with your reflection that being open to learn what the other individual needs and wants is important.
Hi Charlie Mable and Achsah’s Springs,
I thoroughly enjoy the insights that both of you share and bring to the table in these discussions.
As Achsah’s Springs mentioned, understanding the love languages of our children, our partners and ourselves can definitely help us connect and grow our relationships. Sometimes our best intentions fail to meet the needs of others because we are essentially speaking the ‘wrong language’. Although, we are not going to go around at work and have everyone take a love language quiz, there are definitely ways that we can try and connect with others on a deeper level, especially when they are going through personal trauma. I find sometimes just by being open and vulnerable really helps by admitting that you genuinely want to help but are unsure of where to start or what you could do that would be most helpful to them. As already mentioned, the hardest part sometimes is the feeling of utter helplessness when you watch someone you love and care about going through a hard time and not knowing how or what to do to help (especially if they are not willing to admit there is a problem or have the willpower to change, for example people who are struggling with drug and alcohol addictions). If anyone has any tips or suggestions of how to help when people don’t want to help themselves, I’d love to know where we could find resources on this.
I lost a former student this year to suicide (just before this course started) and it was completely devastating. Even though it had been 3 years since I had them in my classroom and they were in another high school, I still felt responsible, that as part of the ‘system,’ I had let them down and failed them. It has made me even more determined to reach out to all students, especially those who are the hardest sometimes to love as they need it the most.
Apologies for the late reply. So very sorry to hear about your former student. I think the most important thing is opening the conversation about mental health and addiction issues without judgement or blaming. Letting people know that there is hope and help. It’s like other conditions such as diabetes that can be helped with medication and counselling. It’s a lot about planting seeds and nurturing. It can’t be forced, yet just knowing someone cares and will offer support and trust is helpful. An open forum that some take you up on the offer of assistance. There are no easy answers. I am very glad to see the campaign involving sports hero’s that are talking about their struggles and triumphs over mental health challenges. It is hopefully reducing the stigma with mental health. Addiction has a long way to go, but is getting a little bit better.