The essay I selected from Light From Many Lamps is a piece on James Gordon Gilkey a teacher, pastor and chaplain (1988). He discusses bereavement and the necessity of facing and accepting that a loss is the first stem to manage treatment. My take away lesson on leadership from this essay resonated in the bigger context above and beyond bereavement. The fact that many leaders will inevitably face failure, disappointment and, likely, grief. Too many times, leaders faced with these realities engage in denial and have difficulty accepting it in short and have a very difficult time getting past the issue. My own situation, with the sudden death of our son, has taught me to a greater extent the necessity of accepting reality and not lingering in denial. One of my favourite sayings is: “10 per cent of life is what happens and the other 90 per cent is what you do with it.” As a leader, more important than what has happened is the question of what you do with the situation.
Watson, L. (1988). Light From Many Lamps. New York, NY: Simon and Schuster.
Hi Norm,
My sincerest condolences on the loss of your son. I can’t even imagine what you have gone through with a loss that significant. As a mother of two sons, I know the incredible bond that exists between a parent and a child and to think of this bond being broken is incomprehensible. I worked at a summer camp for children with cancer and as a result have attended many celebrations of life for children. I’ve always admired the incredible strength and perseverance these parents demonstrated.
I completely agree with you about how all leaders will inevitably face failure, disappointment and grief. I see the connection between failure and grief. When you fail at something, you are losing something. Sometimes that loss needs to be grieved in order to move forward. If you lose a promotion, a long-time client, or your “right-hand-man” at work, sometimes it is helpful to grieve your loss first. I’ve personally found in my leadership role that I have had to grieve a project I had been working on for a long time. Realize that it wasn’t going anywhere, wouldn’t be successfully implemented and move on. As you said, not linger in denial. I grieved the time and work I invested into it, and my dreams for the project and the impact I thought it would have. I found taken the time to acknowledge this loss and deal with the emotions attached to very helpful in allowing me to move on.
Thanks again for sharing your personal story and great job on your post.