Daniel,

I appreciated the lesson you took out of Dr. Will Durant’s writing (Watson, 1951) regarding “having a healthy work-life relationship” (Rowe, 2018, para. 5). I think that because you are married making sure to have “a solid foundation in your marriage” (Rowe, 2018, para. 5) is imperative, especially in full-time ministry life. Like you, I am also in full-time ministry, however, I am single. This response is not exclusively to what you wrote, but predominantly seeks to address the philosophy of Dr. Will Durant as portrayed in Light of Many Lamps (Watson, 1951).

In my personal experience of full-time ministry, I have often seen that at times there can be a higher expectation on specifically young single people, than on those who are married or who have children. As an example of this, if something needs to happen late at night I have seen it that single people are the ones expected to do this because they do not have “family obligations”. While I understand the logic behind this way of thinking, what it can communicate to single people, is that their time is less valuable than those who are married or who have families; their obligations are somehow either less demanding or less important.

My experience as someone who is single in full-time ministry, along with many friends who have been in the same situation, is that our lives are also incredibly busy. Being in full-time ministry there is always more that needs to be done and a never ending to do list. It is just as important for single people to take time to recharge and rest. I am thankful that the particular branch of the organization I work for recognizes that this can be how singles are treated, and therefore strives to ensure this does not happen. We all make an effort to fill in for one another when our personal situations require it, regardless of our marital of familial status.

I would also like to address this idea that “there can be no fulfillment of life’s ultimate purpose without a successful marriage and a good family life” (Watson, 1951, p. 246). I fundamentally disagree with that statement (see Supplementary material1). I have lived a very satisfying, purposeful life as a single person. Research shows that in the United States of America marriage rates have declined, but that divorce rates, specifically among older Americans (Geiger & Livingston, 2018, para. 6). Divorce among Americans over the age of fifty doubled since 1990, and among Americans over the age of sixty five it has tripled in the same time period (Geiger & Livingston, 2018, para. 6). This suggests that being married does not necessarily equate to longevity of happiness.

Some studies show that there is a strong link between marriage and happiness (Parker, 2014, para. 3) but that there is “little difference between parents and non-parents in terms of overall life satisfaction” (Deaton and Stone, as cited in Parker, 2014, para. 2). But other studies claim that this data is flawed because “the way researchers study single people puts all divorced people into the ‘single people’ category” (DePaulo, as cited in Court, 2017, para. 2). This same study found that “married couples…weren’t any happier on average years into marriage than they had been when single” (DePaulo, as cited in Court, 2017, para. 4).

These conflicting studies make drawing a decisive conclusion difficult, however, I think that especially as believers we need to be careful that the value we place in marriage does not turn into idolatry. My personal opinion is that often in the Christian world we have idolized marriage. This article by Daswick (2018) and this one by Mann (2018) on popular Christian culture websites say the same, and this podcast by Piper (2017) even talks about idolizing one’s spouse within marriage. Singleness is a viable option that is supported biblically. Paul writes “to the unmarried and the widows I say that it is good for them to remain single, as I am” (1 Corinthians 7:8, ESV). Jesus himself remained single.

Therefore, I do not think that as believers we ought to conclude, as Dr. Will Durant did, that marriage is the key to fulfillment (Watson, 1951, p. 246). Rather, we should look to Christ to fulfill us, regardless of our marital status, familial status, or any other life status we may be in. If “to live is Christ, and to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21, ESV) then we must die to ourselves and our own desires and live the life that Christ has for us. Specifically as Christian leaders I think it is important that we are careful not to promote marriage above Christ, but to point to Christ as the ultimate source of our fulfillment.

1Bennett, J. M. (2012). Imposter happiness or the real thing?: Marriage, singleness, and the Beatitudes in the twenty-first century. Ex Auditu, 28, 21–40. Retrieved from https://ezproxy.student.twu.ca/login?url=http://search.ebscohost.com/login.aspx?direct=true&db=lsdar&AN=ATLA0001946366&site=eds-live

 References:

Court, E. (2017, July 10). Sorry, America, but everything you’ve heard about lonely, unhappy single people is wrong [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.marketwatch.com/story/everything-you-thought-you-knew-about-single-people-is-wrong-2017-03-31

Daswick, T. (2018, April 10). Have Christians turned marriage into an idol? [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://relevantmagazine.com/love-and-money/christians-turned-marriage-idol/

Geiger, A. & Livingston, G. (2018, February 13). 8 facts about love and marriage in America [Blog post]. Retrieved from http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2018/02/13/8-facts-about-love-and-marriage/

Mann, T. (2018, April 2). When marriage becomes an idol [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://www.boundless.org/blog/when-marriage-becomes-an-idol/

Parker, K. (2014, February 7). Parenthood and happiness: It’s more complicated than you think [Blog post]. Retrieved from http://www.pewresearch.org/fact-tank/2014/02/07/parenthood-and-happiness-its-more-complicated-than-you-think/

Piper, J. (2017, September 1). Has marriage become my idol? [Podcast]. Retrieved from https://www.desiringgod.org/interviews/has-marriage-become-my-idol

Rowe, D. (2018, November 14). Part 4 – Light from many lamps – Dr. Will Durant [Blog post]. Retrieved from https://create.twu.ca/danielsportfolio/2018/11/14/part-4-light-from-many-lamps-dr-will-durant/

Watson, L.E. (1951). Light from many lamps. New York: Simon and Schuster.