https://create.twu.ca/b4ntu/2018/07/02/light-from-many-lamps-2/

I found it interesting that we both chose the same Robert Browning story from Watson’s (1988) Light From Many Lamps. The reason I found it interesting is that we are at two completely different points in our journey. You are in your twenty’s and I am forty-five.  You are at the beginning and I am in the middle.  Two different spots, two different perspectives, same appreciation for life and the gift that we have been given.

I am grateful for those who have gone before us like Robert Browning and Rabbi Abraham ben Meir ben Ezra who can share their life advice with us. There are so many great stories of inspiration, encouragement, motivation and gratitude in Watson’s (1988) book.

I have been thankful for the opportunity to read these posts and to learn and grow from them.

I have a ‘to do’ list sitting on my desk. One of the items waiting to be completed is writing my will. It is a task that gives me great anxiety and fills me with swirling pools of dread in the pit of my stomach. I know that it is a mandatory and essential task, however, unlike other tasks that give me great pleasure to check off, it is a reminder that time is uncertain and that there is only one eventual outcome for all of us.  I never used to worry about time, and now lately, as a single parent, I pray for God to spare me for the sake of my children and those that rely on me. I pray for more time so that I can become a better servant and so that I can accomplish His plan for me.

Robert Browning www.thefamouspeople.com

Robert Browning in the midst of despair and grief and while picking up the pieces of his fragmented life after the death of his wife, turned to the teachings and sayings of Rabbi ben Ezra for inspiration and comfort.  From this experience, a desire grew to help young people just starting out on their life paths,  and so he wrote a poem dedicated to Rabbi ben Ezra’s teachings.

Rabbi ben Ezra stated that, “A man’s value is not measured by the years he has lived, or even the work he has done. A man’s value is measured by the character he has molded” (Watson, 1988, p. 271-272).  If you were to die tomorrow, what would you wish to be remembered for? How would people describe your character? My dad taught me that the most important value is having integrity. He would often tell us that material items meant nothing. You can’t take them with you when you die and they don’t reflect who you are as a person.  Watson (1988) shares that, “in the rush and hurry of our overly-ambitious lives, so many of us have lost our sense of perspective. We place too much stress on material things, and on personal achievement” (p.272).  As my Dad would point out to me, integrity, on the other hand is priceless as your reputation in this life and as you pass over into the next.  I want my actions and my words to be reflective of a character that my children and their children would continue to be proud of long after I have departed.

Robert Browning through the teachings of Rabbi ben Ezra encouraged us to not dread death and the inevitable passing of time. “Approach the twilight of life with joy and hope. Approach the last of life with eagerness, not gloom. For the last of life is the best of life. Trust God and be not afraid” (Watson, 1988, p.272).  Robert Browning in his 1864 poem “Rabbi ben Ezra” states:

“Grow old along with me!

The best is yet to be,

The last of life, for which the first was made;

Our times are in his hands

Who saith, “A whole I planned,

Youth shows but half; trust God; see all, nor be afraid!”

(Watson, 1988, p.273)

The words “trust God; see all, nor be afraid” jumped off the page at me and I immediately felt God’s comfort and warmth. There is NO need for me to fear the passage of time, or what is to come. I need to trust in God and have faith in His perfect plan. Browning makes this clear when he states, “Perfect I call thy plan; thanks that I was a man! Maker, remake, complete – I trust what thou shalt do!” (Watson, 1988, p. 274).   The Rabbi  also sums this up when he said;

Grow old along with me. Live my kind of life, putting your faith and trust in God. Then you will be serene and happy in your old age; you will not be afraid of the end.

(Watson, 1988, p. 275)

I was grateful for this much needed reminder. My “to do” task no longer seems daunting or something to be feared. This reading has affirmed for me that I need to continue to put my trust and faith in God and in His perfect plan for me. Once I do this, I know that sereneness and happiness will fulfill me and that I will have no reason to be afraid of the end.

References

Watson, L.E. (1988). Light from Many Lamps, (1st Fireside Edition). New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.

“Live neither in the past nor in the future, but let each day’s work absorb all your interest, energy and enthusiasm. The best preparation for tomorrow is to do today’s work superbly well.”

“The load of tomorrow, added to that of yesterday, carried today makes the strongest falter. Waste of energy, mental distress, nervous worries dog the steps of a man who is anxious about the future. Shut close, then the great fore and aft bulkheads, and prepare to cultivate the habit of a life in “day-tight compartments.”

~ Sir William Osler addressing Yale students in the spring of  1913 (Watson, 1988, p. 216).

Sir William Osler’s words resonate with me more than ever today, 105 years after he first spoke them to a group of students at Yale University in 1913.  I was initially introduced to the phrase “living in day-tight compartments” approximately 6 years ago from someone who attended a Dale Carnegie course and who was so moved by the words that they shared them with me.  Dale Carnegie is the author of  How To Stop Worrying and Start Living, a great read that continues to be extremely relevant today.  If you are interested in learning more, some of the helpful strategies he shares in his book are mentioned in this Business Insider online article. 

So often we focus on things that we cannot change, the things that have happened in the past or what is going to happen tomorrow.  As a kid growing up in Ontario, there was always a large digital billboard on the QEW highway heading into Toronto that would post a different quote each day.

www.bestsayingquotes.com

One day, as a young teen  on my way home with my parents from church, it read, “Worrying is like a rocking chair. It keeps you busy, but doesn’t get you anywhere.”  I grew up in a time when everyone I knew in school seemed to be petrified about the threat of a nuclear bomb annihilation and doomsday.  Something that as a kid, I lost sleep over.  That quote has stayed with me years after I first saw it.  I think about how much time I have spent consumed with worry over things that I have very little if zero control over.

It is during moments of overwhelming stress in my life, that I am always reminded of the need to “live in day tight compartments” and if it is too much, then I go hour by hour or minute by minute.  I lived this strategy when my Dad passed away and I can honestly say that it really did help.

When issues or problems arise, I ask myself “What is the absolute worst that can happen?” and then I try really hard to follow the very simplistic yet wise advice in the following chart:

Courtesy of Google Images

One of the classes that I teach is a mandatory life transition class for all Grade 12’s. The purpose is to help prepare students for life after high school and the ‘real world’. We talk a lot about stress and ways to help reduce it. If you stop to imagine for a moment that unconsciously  we are all carrying around backpacks filled down with the weight of all that we do in a day, all that we still have to do and all the people we care and worry about, the bags would be overwhelmingly heavy. Now, what if we took all of that out, and filled it only with one small immediate task at a time, the bag would suddenly feel light as air and not be so oppressive. This is what Sir William’s message to the Yale students about living in day-tight compartments is all about.

I appreciated the reminder of what it means to live in “day tight compartments” and to not waste energy worrying about things that I can’t control. That doesn’t mean that I don’t take the time to plan for the future, or forget to acknowledge my regrets or lessons from my past; it just means that I focus more on the gift of each day.  As Sir William Osler said my goal is to let each day “absorb my interest, energy and enthusiasm” (Watson, 1988, p. 216).

Charles Macomb Flandrau as quoted by Watson (1988) sums it up nicely when he states:

The greatest gift is the realization that life does not consist either of wallowing in the past or of peering anxiously at the future; and it is appalling to contemplate the great number of often painful steps by which one arrives at a truth so old, so obvious, and so frequently expressed. It is good for one to appreciate that life is now. Whatever it offers, little or much, life is now – this day – this hour.

(Watson, 1988, p. 218)

The time has come to acknowledge that we are the captains of our individual ships, and as captains, we are the ones in charge of shutting off parts of our day or life into watertight compartments so that we can do what needs to be done to the best of our abilities.

References

Carnegie, D.,  (1948). How to stop worrying and start living. New York: Simon and Schuster.

Lebowitz, S., (2015, Sept. 22).  5 Strategies for conquering fear and anxiety, from one of the most successful self-help authors in history. Retrieved from http://www.businessinsider.com/dale-carnegies-advice-on-worrying-2015-9.

Watson, L.E. (1988). Light from Many Lamps, (1st Fireside Edition). New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.

“Time is Short” – Light From Many Lamps Assignment 3

I loved your willingness and courage to write an honest, gut wrenching blogpost about regret and loss. It is through the sharing of stories like these that we all grow the most.

Your post got me thinking about all of the people that we meet and talk to throughout the course of each day. How well do we actually know the people that we converse with?  Are we attempting to get to know people beyond a superficial level? The question can also be flipped as well… if someone asks you,  “How are you?”, would you ever reply “Not well” or would you give the standard “Good thanks and you?” no matter how badly you are feeling?  To whom would you reply honestly and why?  What does this say about us and humanity in general?

Everyone we meet has a story. It doesn’t matter how old or how young someone is. Our stories help define and shape who we are.  By sharing stories, we learn to empathize with others and learn things that we didn’t know or appreciate before. Storytelling is big in my class! One of the things that I do with my students involves creating a Lyric Wheel where we analyze the lyrics of a song and find meaning and symbolism within in our own lives. The following lyrics are ones that have generated tremendous discussion within the classroom. Here are excerpts from  Brandi Carlisle’s  song entitled ‘The Story’…

The Story

All of these lines across my face
Tell you the story of who I am
So many stories of where I’ve been
And how I got to where I am
But these stories don’t mean anything
When you’ve got no one to tell them to…..

You see the smile that’s on my mouth
It’s hiding the words that don’t come out
And all of my friends who think that I’m blessed
They don’t know my head is a mess
No, they don’t know who I really am
And they don’t know what
I’ve been through like you do….

I especially like the message behind these lyrics and it is a good lesson for students to better understand another person’s perspective and that sometimes life isn’t always how it might appear for others. Everyone needs someone to tell their stories to, otherwise “these stories don’t mean anything”.

Granted, it can be extremely difficult for people to open up and share their stories. It takes courage and a willingness to be vulnerable. However, stories enable people to connect, grow and learn as they relate to the storyteller. Stories are the building blocks of humanity. Whether through the stories shared in the book Light From Many Lamps or the stories shared on our class blogs, all stories enable us to become better human beings.

I am humbled, blessed and grateful that you shared your story with us. Thank you.

After I responded to your post, I noticed that Brene Brown had posted this on her Instagram wall.  I thought it was totally applicable… she stated that, “Everyone has a story that will break your heart. And if you’re really paying attention, most people have a story that will bring you to your knees“.

Brene Brown Instagram

As A Man Thinks

I truly look forward to reading your posts each week! I always walk away feeling inspired.

I appreciated what you shared from James Lane Allen’s book ‘As a Man Thinketh’ and how  Allen  “believed his thoughts, dreams and action made all the difference, not making excuses and blaming circumstance.” It is an important message for everyone to hear.  Far too often, people use their circumstances as a crutch in life and an excuse for not achieving their goals and aspirations.

There are many circumstances in life that are terribly crushing, there’s no doubt about it. It’s how we choose to deal with them that define us and help shape us into who we are and what we will become.  Each year, I am always awed and completely humbled watching my Karen refugee students who fled from terrible violence and slaughter  (that none of us can even imagine) exceed all expectations. I am reminded that my struggles are small compared to what they have witnessed and experienced in their short years. Link to learn more about the Karen Refugee Camps They have never made excuses or blamed circumstance when they had every right to do so.  Instead, their thoughts, dreams and actions truly made all the difference.  One of my refugee students wrote me a letter at the end of last year, and in it she shared “I’ve uncovered (that) you have 3 things you could choose in life. Give up, give in or give it your all.”   She signed her name at the bottom and next to her name wrote, “Dare to live”.  I keep her letter pinned to the bulletin board next to my desk as a reminder to give it my all and to dare to live.

Letter from Nuengrutai, my student

“What you do not wish done to yourself, do not do to others.”  ~ Confucius

(Watson, 1988, p. 195)

Confucius courtesy of Google Images

Lillian Watson (1988) in her book Light From Many Lamps, shares Confucius’ wise words with her readers.  Confucius, in one simple sentence, sums up the entire building block of what humanity should look like and sound like.  Think of what the world could look like if we all took Confucius’ advice!  We would be more tolerant and accepting of each other’s differences. We would provide to those who have not, or who are struggling for the means that do they have. We would celebrate each other’s victories and share each sorrow. We would uplift and encourage those who are weary and cheer on those who are overcoming obstacles on their journey. We would share our knowledge and our skills for the benefit of everyone and help others grow and learn.  Confucius’ message is one of servant leadership.

The place to start is in our own homes, our own work environments, our place of worship and our social circles.  Confucius when speaking to the feuding cattle and sheep herders, told them:

The rule of life is to be found within yourself. Ask yourself constantly, “What is the right thing to do?” Consideration for others is the basis of a good life, a good society. Feel kindly toward everyone. Be friendly and pleasant among yourselves. Be generous and fair. ~ Confucius

(Watson, 1988, p. 195)

I can honestly say that I try to live by Confucius and later Jesus’ words “Do onto others as you would have others do unto you”.  Due to human nature, this is not always an easy thing to do, despite the simplicity of the words. I don’t always succeed as well as I would like to, but can definitely say that I try very hard to live by this mantra.

Sayingimages.com

As a parent of two completely different kids with two completely different personalities and learning abilities, I try to treat my students the way I would like other teachers to treat my own children.  I have learned a lot since becoming a parent and view teaching completely differently as a result. I realize more than ever, the importance of treating each student as an individual and of focusing on their strengths and the things that they do well.  I also realize that if there are behaviour issues, chances are extremely high that there is a reason why and a backstory. It is my responsibility to find out what that is and to support each of my students as best as possible.  Not everything is simple and straightforward and there are a lot of grey areas.  Servant leadership means doing everything I can to help students and others grow. I try and share as much as possible with my team, the mistakes that I have made and the lessons that I have learned from them.  I admit though that I  find it extremely difficult at times knowing how to respond when I observe some teachers taking a hard line, zero grace approach with some of our most vulnerable and at risk students.  Those teachers remind me of the herders that Confucius tried to speak to, to help them change their ways, to bring about peace. It is amazing how our own stories affect how we react to others. I am extremely grateful to every teacher who has reached out to my own children and continued to believe in them even when they made mistakes. To every teacher who cared enough to ask and who genuinely listened  when my own children struggled after my divorce, I thank them profusely. To every teacher who realized that the heart needs to be taken care of before the mind can engage, I thank them. For every teacher who treated my children with grace, dignity and respect, I thank them from the bottom of my heart.  I want to be that teacher, that educational leader for someone else’s child. I want to share kindness with others as they have done for me and mine.

My father-in-law before he passed away was a Vice-President with one of the major Canadian banks. He had worked for this company since he was 16 years old and was a very loyal employee. He had a very high profile position and dealt with outstanding loans for large corporations who were facing bankruptcy. He was once asked to do something that he didn’t agree with by his superiors and he knew that if he stood up for what he felt was the right thing to do, there would be repercussions.  Just like Confucius, he asked himself “What is the right thing to do?” and ended up choosing to retire early rather than lose sight of who he was and his values.  The story was told often around the dinner table, as he wanted to make sure his children and grand-children understood that at the end of the day, there is only one thing that matters.  He would often say, “You need to be able to look yourself in the mirror at the end of the day and be happy with what you see.  You need to  be happy with who you are, what you represent and how you conducted yourself. If you can do that, then you can always be sure that you are doing the right thing”.  It takes courage to do the right thing, especially when you are in the minority. This is advice that has always stuck with me and that I share every year with each group of new students.  When I was younger, one of the pre-teen groups that I was hanging out with told another girl that she couldn’t play with us and she was excluded.  I didn’t speak up when I could have for fear of repercussions from the group. She died in a car accident before I could apologize and it has haunted me forever. There is a lot of friendship drama in school, and I share this story with my students and tell them that I wish I could have a ‘do-over’ to make it right. When dealing with uncomfortable situations, Confucius reminds us to continually ask ourselves “What is the right thing to do?”

My own dad taught me the importance of having integrity. He would often tell my brother and I that if you take away all material possessions all that a person has left is their reputation/legacy. What will yours say? I am often reminded of this advice when faced with difficult decisions.

I want to learn to be a better servant leader. To always ask, “What is the right thing to do?” and to treat everyone with kindness. I want to be fair and generous in my interactions and to ensure that my actions fall in line with Confucius’ teachings so that I only do onto others as I wish them to do onto me (or mine).

What is your most inspiring story of when someone has been kind to you and how has it directly affected how you approach leadership?

References:

Eichler Watson, L.E. (1988). Light from Many Lamps, (1st Fireside Edition). New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.

Link:

https://create.twu.ca/shaaz/2018/05/27/light-fom-many-lamps-the-most-precious-of-possessions/

Light Fom Many Lamps: The Most Precious Of Possessions

Thank you so much for writing about this! I thoroughly enjoyed reading your post and completely agree with your points. I too loved this story about time being one of our most precious possessions!  Similar to the video that you mention in your blog post, I also love this one entitled The Value of Time.  I show it to my students every year and it also talks about time being like a bank account that credits you a fresh 86,400 seconds each day.  However, every night you lose whatever time you didn’t invest and use wisely.  It carries no balance and allows for no overdraft. You can’t draw from tomorrow and must live in the present. The end of the video is a poem by an unknown author that can be found in Sean Covey’s book The Seven Habits of Highly Effective Teens (1998) that I also share with them entitled “The Value of Time”.

The Value of Time

To realize the value of ONE YEAR, ask a student who failed a grade.
To realize the value of ONE MONTH, ask a mother who gave birth to a premature baby.
To realize the value of ONE WEEK, ask the editor of a weekly newspaper.
To realize the value of ONE HOUR, ask the lovers who are waiting to meet.
To realize the value of ONE MINUTE, ask a person who missed the train.
To realize the value of ONE SECOND, ask a person who just avoided an accident.
To realize the value of ONE MILLISECOND, ask the person who won a silver medal in the Olympics.

This poem is a wonderful opportunity to bring people together while also talking about the importance of time. Students are able to make a lot of personal connections to this poem.  For example, a student of mine last year could deeply relate to the value of time because his mom was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer and each second that he had with his mom was a gift of time that he preciously guarded. She passed away this summer and he wouldn’t trade those moments he spent with his mom for anything. Another student had an older sibling who had failed grade 12 and had to repeat the entire year and watch his friends graduate without him.  My teaching partner the same year gave birth to her baby very prematurely and the kids knew the dangers of premature labour and prayed hard for her little one to be okay. The baby is now thriving!  I also share with students my own experiences with time. Time was not on my side as I raced to try and get to the hospital before my Dad passed away, ending up arriving only just moments after he died and not being able to say goodbye and tell him that I loved him one more time. This always gets students thinking about the last time they told their parents/siblings that they loved them,  thanked them or said sorry. We all take those words for granted thinking that we will have more time to say those things and we put them off for another day, another time due to pride, anger or ignorance. Time was also not on my Dad’s side as he waited for a lung transplant. I’ll never forget  seeing his transplant pager sitting next to his bed in the hospital, a painful reminder that time waits for no man.  As the poem suggests, everyone has a story to share when it comes to time, the joys and the struggles. Depending on where we are in our life story and in our journeys, each part of time means something different to us. Students learn to respect the real meaning of time not just for themselves but what it means to others as well.

What I tell my students and my kids is that I have learned to appreciate time like never before. Time truly is a blessing and a gift. I am grateful for  each year, each month, each week, each day, each hour, each second and even milliseconds that God has granted me and my loved ones. I don’t take time for granted ever.

Thank you so much for posting about this, it is such a good reminder to all of us to reach out to those we care about and tell them what they mean to us, to fix the wrongs that we have made, to spend time with those we love.  The clock is ticking… and time waits for no man. What are you going to do with your 86,400 seconds?

There is always another chance.  This thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.  – Mary Pickford (Watson, 1988, p.156)

As human beings we are going to make mistakes, we are going to fall down. It is one hundred percent inevitably going to happen. Leaders are also human beings, so it goes without saying that leaders are also going to fail and make mistakes. It is simply only a matter of time.  It’s what we choose to do once we fall down, that can define a true leader.

The importance of what we as leaders choose to do after we fall down is reiterated by  Glen Llopis in his Forbes article “4 Reasons Great Leaders Admit Their Mistakes” (July 23, 2015),  “As any great leader will tell you, they have made many mistakes along the way. They will admit that it was the collective insight from bad decisions that taught them invaluable lessons – and how to see opportunities in everything and anticipate the unexpected more quickly. Successful leaders are transparent enough with themselves and others to admit their wrong doings so that those around them can also benefit from their learnings. They call this wisdom and many leaders lack it – because they are too proud to recognize mistakes as valuable learning moments for themselves and others.”

Mary Pickford was a true leader in that she was able to recognize her mistakes as valuable learning moments for herself and others. Her story and words of encouragement touched me on many levels.  She was a woman who on the surface appeared like she had it all going on (a woman of great beauty, talent and dazzling success).  Unbeknownst to many though, she had faced unhappiness and disillusionment, heartache and disappointments, yet… “she had come through every experience serene and composed, radiantly sure of herself and the road ahead” (Watson, 1988, p. 157).

Image: Pintrest

Mary’s lesson touched me so much that I shared it with my 17 year old son tonight who is going through a hard time.  I wasn’t sure if he would be receptive to it at first but he slowly and silently read the paragraph I showed him. My eyes filled with tears watching him quietly absorb the words,  nodding as understanding dawned over him.  Mary’s words are so powerful and encouraging for those who have made mistakes or lost their way.  “Today is a new day… if you have made mistakes, there is always another chance for you… and supposing you have tried and failed again and again, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose” (Watson, 1988, p. 158).

I thought of my daughter whose applications for acceptance into a nursing program were just rejected for another year in a row. I thought of my students who are struggling with drug addictions and mental health issues.  I thought of my many mistakes both as a mom and as a teacher and was comforted by Mary’s words, “You are never beaten unless you give up” (Watson, 1988, p. 158).

I will try and emulate Mary Pickford by sharing my stories with my students and my children as both a human being and a leader. I will admit my mistakes so that others can benefit from my learnings.

Thanks to Mary Pickford, I have found a new quote to share with my students. I am going to cut it out in large letters and put it on my classroom wall.  Her message is one that bears repeating and needs to be shared.

“Today is a new day. You will get out of it just what you put into it… If you have made mistakes, even serious mistakes, there is always another chance for you. And supposing you have tried and failed again and again, you may have a fresh start any moment you choose, for this thing that we call “failure” is not the falling down, but the staying down.” ~ Mary Pickford

Eichler Watson, L.E. (1988). Light from Many Lamps, (1st Fireside Edition). New York, NY: Simon & Schuster, Inc.

https://www.forbes.com/sites/glennllopis/2015/07/23/4-reasons-great-leaders-admit-their-mistakes/#46fc410f4628